Horror stories on internet dating
When I met him at the bar he proceeded to tell me that 1) If we became a couple I would only be allowed to wear my Yankees hats/shirts when I was home visiting my family; never around him; 2)I should not expect him to talk to me while he was watching Redsox games on TV; and 3) we could not get married in October because he needed to keep the post-season available for any potential Redsox trips to the World Series. My first words on our date were: ‘Pardon me, but are you pregnant?• My online date was eight-and-a-half months pregnant. ’ A gay friend of hers, it turns out, had inseminated her with a turkey baster, or so she said.When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: ‘The baby has me; I want someone.’ • A poet offered to pick me up for dinner and a movie.I accepted, and that’s where everything went wrong. The movie was one of those free movies-in-the-park, and it just so happened to be Spongebob Squarepants and the park was full of children. On top of that, he only packed a very small blanket and asked why I hadn’t brought a blanket for myself (um, because I thought we were going to a theater? • A guy said how great it was that I was a “mommy,” and when I explained that I was more a mom than a mommy, and a bit about my parenting philosophy about trying to make my then-young son more independent, he corrected me. “That’s the gift you got when you had your son.” Not only was he totally infantilizing me with his gross Ronny Reagan virgin-mother bullshit, and presuming to explain for me my place in the world (without having met me) but he wasn’t fucking listening.The Strange • After we had sex, she told a story about her marine biology internship and about a pack of manatees they once found in the water off Key West.She really loved manatees, and eventually she jumped from her boat into the water and landed on a manatee.• My date ‘encouraged’ me to share the 0 steak for two.
It was perilously close to that scene from Boogie Nights. got called a “bourgeois pig.” • He spent one-third of the time telling me about the musical he was writing about raccoons, one-third of the time talking about C , and one-third of the time demonstrating the plot of Othello using the salt and pepper shakers.• The seemingly bohemian alt industrial-music dj was still enough of a “nice jewish girl” that she insisted our first meeting be a dinner with her mother at an Italian chain restaurant in the Valley.• I am pretty good at not going out on dates unless I am fairly certain that I have picked someone I am at least a little compatible with, but at one point, I ended up going out with a girl to a cafe, where she had secretly invited her friends, who, it turns out, were mostly just AA buddies, and the next thing I knew, I was at an AA meeting.But the manatee was actually dead, and the body ended up falling apart and she was covered in dead manatee slime and someone had to fish her out and clean her up.After some words of consolation from me about how fucked up that experience must have been, she told me she made it up, and every other story she had told me that night, because she likes making up stories.